I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
