The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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