i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
