I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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