Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
