The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
