the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
