It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
