his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
