Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
