i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
too bad you live with your parents still
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
