so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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