Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
