I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
