I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
