im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
don't judge my taste in strippers
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
