She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
