I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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