Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
