The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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