He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
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You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
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I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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