You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
