textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
