Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
