I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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