yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
