the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
