that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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