So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
