We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
