Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
