You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
