I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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