Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
