He passed out mid-signature
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
