I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
