I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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