You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I would fuck him just for his dog
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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