Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
