Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm gonna have a badass scar
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
