i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
