I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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