Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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