Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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