He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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