Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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