I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
