my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
