i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
