The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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