all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
