I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
