I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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