I don't usually arrange sex via text message
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
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