I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
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You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
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Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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