I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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