literally had 100 drinks last night.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
