omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
