im about as happy as oj after his trial
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
