Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
