I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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