Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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