I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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