Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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