Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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