just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
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