i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
