so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
