tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
