based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
