I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
