I look better un-naked...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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