What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
