I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
